Thanksgiving

I never really bring up serious stuff on the blog, but with the holiday coming up, I have been feeling very thankful. I have so much to be thankful for this year that it is amazing to me that some days I can't see the forest through the trees so to speak. Most people close to Matt and I know that getting pregnant was not easy for us. We miscarried twins before getting pregnant with these twins. I had to wait nine months to get pregnant again after the miscarriage, and it was hard. I always wanted to be a mommy. When I was nineteen, I found out that it might not be as easy for me as some people. But at nineteen, it isn't something you really worry about. You just file that away for later. When Matt and I finally decided to try for kids, I was excited the first month that we did get pregnant. A close friend was also pregnant, so we were excited to share our pregnancies together. But it wasn't meant to be for me. She has a beautiful boy now, and it is funny to me that if I had stayed pregnant, I would also have a two year olds. It was hard all of those months. I seemed to see pregnant women and babies all around me. I felt defective. I kept hearing things like, "Oh it will happen eventually," "It just wasn't meant to be," and "Some people aren't meant to be mothers." It all stung. Even it was said with the purest of intentions. I clung to the fact that God had given me this desire, and he would fulfill it in his own time. While discussing this with a friend who had her own son, she told me, "there are people that God doesn't make mothers." I was upset, and shocked. I did realize though, that it might be true. So I fell back on just trusting him. I let it go. I know it is so cliche that the cycle you let it go you become pregnant, but that was the truth for me. I spent all this time counting days, taking my temperature, worrying. But I just stopped it all. We became pregnant that cycle, and I just trusted in the Lord like crazy. I held onto the knowledge that he was in control. I always liked Proverbs 3:5, and it seemed to fit. He was in control. Now we have two amazing children. And someday soon (I HOPE!) they will call me mommy. What an amazing answered prayer! That God decided to trust me with the care of these amazing children. So during this time of giving thanks, I am thanking the Lord for these two amazing children, and the knowledge that they have made me a mother.